“Perfectionism is just fear, in fancy shoes and a mink coat” – Elizabeth Gilbert
I’ve always wanted to be PERFECT. I was always searching for it in my life in my relationships, in my body and in my career. Even as a little girl, I had dreams of the perfect house and husband.
Yet trying to be perfect, made me miserable… it held me back and kept me small.
The chains of perfectionism.
So many corporate women I work with KNOW the feeling…
You have a vision, an aspiration of how your life SHOULD be.
Standards that are set day in and day out by the media, our family and the judgement of others.
That ISN’T REAL.
When you’re looking at yourself OR something you’ve worked on and the self-doubt starts to creep in.
You judge it against perfect and you start to doubt it and fall out of love with it.
The self-doubt starts flowing in and builds up, gathering momentum.
“What if it’s not good enough?”
“What if THEY say it’s rubbish?”
“Who am I to do this?”
“I can’t do this, it’s too scary.”
“I don’t know why I bother I’ll only fail anyway.”
And then you feel like a failure, kick your own arse and give up! Only for it to be a HUGE success!
It’s all a fucking LIE! And in this blog I’ll share the truth as I see it.
The Truth About Perfectionism
If you actually look up the history of the word perfect it does not mean the meaning we give it now…
The old meanings were “finished, completed, ready.”
^^^ You can be READY and not have to be perfect.
I’m not perfect but I show up and change lives in a hugely powerful way DAILY… I will grow and evolve as I breathe more life into my purpose.
A hamster wheel you throw yourself into, day in day out.
All for fear of criticism, feedback and being judged. It’s a cruel form of protectionism.
You set measures against that shows no fairness or kindness to truly being YOU.
“I’m not going for that job until I know more.”
“I won’t ask that guy out until I’ve lost more weight.”
“I’m just going to work and have no holidays until I get the business bigger.”
“I want to wait until I get that promotion before having a family.”
PERFECTIONISM is the fear of not being enough on steroids.
It’s just not enoughness dressed up in fancy heels. It’s what holds us back and lets us hide away.
Perfect DOES not exist, apart from in our own minds.
What is perfect for one person is the nightmare of another. So there’s no PERFECT as such.
We’ve led PERFECTION to mean… flawless, faultless, best, exemplary, absolute.
What is the impact of perfectionism?
The fear of not being PERFECT shows in holding back your ideas, ambitions, dreams, talents, ideas, leadership.
Instead you stay waiting, staying in a holding pattern with your life.
Then feel the self hate and frustration and regret when others take the opportunities destined for you.
Shying away from greatness and refusing to thrive, choosing a lesser life.
NOT applying for that job!
NOT asking for the pay rise.
NOT going part time.
NOT trusting your voice.
NOT leading with your intuition.
No One Is Perfect
No one is PERFECT, none of us are without our flaws, faults. In fact they are what makes YOU, well YOU.
Or if you want to use a cliche. We’re all PERFECTLY IMPERFECT.
They make up YOU the lovable, goofy, big hearted bundle of complications and contradictions that people fall in love with… YOU!
I’m not PERFECT.
I can take on too much and not get everything done
I can talk too much and not listen fully
I can take things so personally
I can hide away and struggle to ask for help
I can start ALOT of things and not consistently get them done.
I fall in love quickly and hard.
I laugh VERY loudly
I’m filthy and a bit rude.
^^^ So I’m fallible, but lovable but all these flaws make me ME.
How to Overcome Perfectionism
Instead of perfect KNOW and BE YOU!!
Knowing and being you means you don’t have to chase PERFECT. You don’t need to compare or judge. Instead you can smile and feel safe in yourself. It gives you:
The peace and certainty of knowing who you are, it centres you
The compassion and COURAGE to love ALL that you are and your body
And then create the FREEDOM to be who you are.
So instead of chasing PERFECT, that soul destroying myth that doesn’t exist. How about you chase YOU?
My Invitation to You:
DITCH THE MYTH OF PERFECT
——->>>>>>BECOME AN EXPERT YOU.
What are your VALUES … Let these lead your life, be your true compass.
What are your BELIEFS … Do these serve you? Do they need upgrading?
What and who you LOVE … do more of it, let that LEAD your diary.
What you don’t LOVE … Do less or STOP it.
And a few little hacks and tips to overcome it:
1) Focus on your beauty and brilliance
Look in the mirror every morning and pick something nice to say to yourself.
You may think that this is ridiculous and obvious, but we spend more time looking in the mirror criticising than honouring ourselves. Make this a daily habit.
2) Write an awesome list
Write down all the things that make you wonderful and read them. Even tougher, read them out loud.
3) Chose your support crew
Spend time with people who lift you up, that are maybe a little further on than you or love you just for YOU.
4) Chose your success
Come back to what you want from life, what’s important and focus there! You OWN the weights and measures in your life, so if perfectionism leaves you feeling shit… ditch it.
And let me tell you NO ONE CAN DO YOU LIKE YOU. So embrace it.
P.S. If you found this useful please share or I’d love to know what you think?!
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