2020 has been a WTAF year, none of us could have predicted how this year would play out.
With life and work moving and shifting so quickly it’s hard to feel certain or be brave. Keeping that self-confidence and belief is harder than ever.
So, in this blog I’ll be sharing a few ways that I help my clients to be build that inner confidence and certainty.
So you can be braver and bolder…
…to live bigger lives and stop playing small
…to have those difficult conversations at home
…to ask for the pay rise
…to go for the promotion
…or set up that new passion business.
The Myth of Confidence
There seems to be a lot of pop psychology on confidence, that you can go on courses or read books to LEARN to be confident.
I know in corporate world, when I wasn’t feeling confident it was usually noticeable and I’d end up on a “confidence” building workshop. AGAIN.
And NO, I didn’t suddenly feel confident because a group of strangers caught me when I fell backwards!
I get the concept but that is NOT confidence. Yes, I understand there are tips and tricks BUT if you don’t have certainty in yourself these will all fail at some point.
The myth of confidence I see over and over again, is that it is something that you’ll MAKE, that you’ll CREATE that you’ll arrive at one day and awake, BEHOLD I’m now confident.
That’s the myth of confidence I see so much, yet that’s not how it works.
Confidence is something internal, not something external, not a destination or meeting point that you arrive at one day.
You can achieve it whenever you want to just by seeing it in a different way. Let me explain.
The Truths of Confidence
To see the world in a more confident way these truths are the basis of what I teach and coach…
1. Everyone feels nervous.
Nerves are just a growing pain, showing you that you’re doing something new. That is a brain mechanism that will always happen, but the more you push it, the braver you can become.
2. No one is above or below you.
We’re all on our own roads, keep your eyes in your own business before being distracted and led into others.
3. All you need to be confident is that certainty in YOU
That is built day in and day out from knowledge and understanding, not from things and stuff but from certainty in you.
4. Confidence is something you build every day, by becoming an expert in YOU
Little steps every day, to know how you feel and why you say, think, feel and do certain things that don’t serve. There’s no point beating yourself up, simply understand and accept or make a change.
5. Nothing bad will happen either way.
You won’t die from lack of confidence, but you will lead a smaller life that means you aren’t living in your passion and creating your dreams. There is nothing wrong with this but don’t let a brain mechanism stop you.
What is Confidence?
Confidence is purely and simply, certainty in yourself.
To walk into a room and be the most confident person your certainty is within you knowing yourself deeply and intimately.
I might seem to be confident, but my confidence isn’t from working on my confidence as such, my confidence is from certainty in myself.
I know, accept and love all of me, the light and the dark, the fun and the serious, the deep and the shallow, the obvious and mysterious.
And there isn’t one hack, tip or trick I can share that’s got me there, it’s been little steps daily and building that trust in myself.
The Confidence Sum
Confidence = Truth + Certainty + Clarity
That is what I believe confidence is:
Your truth and what you believe about yourself, others and the world.
That creates certainty about yourself even in the ever-changing crazy world.
That then creates clarity, more listening to your heart and less listening to others.
And if I start to feel unsure of myself and unconfident I know there’s one of these missing.
The exciting part is that all this is within YOU, you only need to take some time to slow down and hit pause.
You have all the answers within you.
They’re in your story
They’re in your feelings
They’re in your beliefs
They’re in your values
They’re in your experiences
They’re in your passions
They’re all diamonds in the rough, waiting to be found.
It’s your mission to find them and my purpose to lead you to them.
Your Steps to Becoming More Confident
1. Become the world leading expert in yourself
Make it your mission to become the world leading authority in YOU, what do you love, what makes you see red, what fires you up and what drains you? And as part of that learn to sit with how you feel and trust that it’s showing your something.
START: Write, speak or share it daily, answering the question how do I feel today?
2. Understand your beliefs
If you have an area of your life that isn’t serving you, then there is simply some beliefs that you’ve outgrown. Our beliefs are formed as we’re children and they can become hard wired the more we use them, it’s something called Hebbs Law and is really survival of the busiest. So you end up living as an adult with beliefs inherited from when you were a child.
START: Think about a belief that is holding you back, what is it? And is it true?
3. Discover and Live By Your Values
Spend time to know your values you want to live buy and how up with, chose 3 and move your life to align with them. LIVE through these values, think what you say, think, feel and do and how they relate to them.
START: Think of 3 words you’d LOVE to live your life by.
4. Count your Wins
Look back and count all your wins in life, where have you achieved something or overcome a challenge? Use this to look back on when you don’t feel confident.
START: Look back at your lockdown wins, what have you done, got through or grown into?
5. Start a Brave Streak
Start to work your brave muscle, each day do something that scares you a little … have that conversation you’ve been worried about, say NO to your boss, set boundaries with your team … little by little work the brave.
START: Pick one thing to be brave with today, get started.
6. Treat Life Like an Experiment
Stop thinking of what you do as a pass or failure, if you chose to see it this way it’s only ever learning and progressing, a better way next time.
START: Take some of the pressure off yourself, with something new how can you make it fun?
Let me know in the comments below how you get on with my simple steps!
Do you believe in the power of women ready and wanting MORE? I LOVE creating groups of women who nudge, support and inspire each other to be more.
If you KNOW there’s more for you, yet you’re too buried in the day-to-day to have any idea what – then this is for you…
🔥My brand spangly new Find your Fire workshop, split in 2 parts on Weds 25th Nov and 2nd Dec.
🔥I’ll lead you through a super simple 4 stage process to refind YOUR fire, in the WTAF year of 2020.
🔥Leave with a clear and actionable plan of inspired next steps, so you finish the year excited and energised!
End the year feeling purposeful, with a clear and inspired way ahead! Click here for more information on how you can secure your place.