“What will they think of me”, the words that cripple and hold so many women back.
Feeling judged has something that has weighed heavy on my shoulders at times in my life and truly led my down paths that weren’t for me. It led to more of a should and could life, making decisions trying to make others happy at the cost of what my heart most wanted. Or so I thought.
- It led to:
3 years living in the tail end of a marriage, with all the heartbreak that comes with it
- 2 years in a 6-figure gym business that I didn’t love anymore, MAKING myself do it.
- Keeping up appearances and trying to show how happy I was, which led to £000’s of debt.
- Being caught in this smaller version of myself, not speaking, sharing and showing up.
- Making myself someone else in relationships and the person I though they wanted me to be, so when I spoke up it was never going to work.
And guess what? It didn’t make me happy, second guessing and doing what I thought THEY wanted and being trapped in how I’d be judged, living life through their eyes and being in their business.
And I see it in so many of the women I work with, that they’re so focused on the he said, she said and I think they think that they’re not truly living.
Instead they’re caught in a complicated web, of trying to get into the heads of others and live their life by what they believe other are thinking of them.
Yet in reality we can never make anyone feel or do anything, so in giving our focus to worrying about judgment we’re giving away our love, energy and power to what we can’t change.
And it also leads to people pleasing, burning out from the hectic pace of life and confusion about who you truly are and what you truly want.
You deserve more than that, so read on to find out the true Noggin Knowledge of judgement.
The Truth About Judgement
This is so powerful for the women I work with that I LOVE to share the REAL truth of what’s going on when judgement is happening.
Judgement is all led from a brain mechanism and when you’re in the fear of judgment it’s that mechanism running overtime.
We are hard wired, to constantly judge the people we see and that we meet. It happens without us even knowing, it’s part of our human set up and part of our survival mechanism. Back in our cave man and woman days if we were in groups we were more likely to survive.
It’s down to part of the brain called the mammalian brain that looks for where we fit in society and focuses on love, care and connection. It’s physically bigger in women which means we’re designed to worry more about what people think.
That means your worry about:
- What your friends will say if you put on weight
- What your neighbours think of you and your family
- What the mum’s at the school gate think of you and what they say when you’re not around.
^^^ It’s NOT YOU as such it’s a brain mechanism, that you letting lead your thinking.
BUT where it can take over and really influence our thinking is if we feed it with gossip and letting these judgments influence our beliefs and what we say, think, feel and do.
The more I’ve let go of judgement, the more I follow my heart and create more of what I want. And the more I’ve become more of me, I trust myself and know that it’ll always be okay as it always has been.
And I’ve fallen in love with letting go of judgment:
- I’ve met great new people that I would never have met before.
- I wear clothes that I truly love and don’t worry about what others think.
- I’ve reduced the amount of comparing and measuring my life by others.
- I’ve cleared my head of a lot of useless and wasted thinking.
- I’m not so judgemental about others, I can stand back a little more.
- I trust my heart and where it’s leading me, more and more.
- I don’t really get involved in gossip and bitching about others.
^^^^ So all the time, love, energy and effort I was giving to that can now go towards my life and what I want.
Doing the Best They Can
Instead of judgment I lead with this belief that everyone is doing the best they can at any moment. There are very few people in the world who wake up and want to purposefully hurt and cause problems for others, if they do they’re likely to be reacting rather than responding so it’s not them as such.
No one ever wakes up and thinks to themselves, ‘Today I am going to make really terrible decisions and try to hurt people”. It is just not in our make-up. Everyone, no matter what they do, are doing what they feel is the best thing they can do.
This is not to make excuses for those that go against what many of us agree is a good way to live, but to help us understand that even though they may be making mistakes, even big ones, they are not wrong. With the resources – beliefs, and abilities – they have available to them in the moment they are doing the best they can.
As soon as we judge someone or something as wrong we make it and them separate from us and the only one who suffers from that is us. When we are in that space of judgement we are not connected with our own heart and as soon as that happens we are not present.
Better to have compassion, to be gentle in your thinking. Compassion is not condoning what others do but rather it is a positive, heartfelt response that brings about a feeling of wanting to understand and help.
That letting go of expectations and the way things MUST be done, let’s go of judgment and in that we can really free ourselves of what
6 Simple Ways to Let Go of Judgement
So I hope that has helped you understand judgement a little more and can help you see it differently and create more freedom in your own mind
- Doing the Best They Can
As above everyone in my mind is just doing the best they can, with what they know and the resources they have right now.
2) Focus on YOUR business
Byron Katie talks about three areas of business we can be in, ours, others and the world … so if you’re judging others you’re firmly into their business.
3) Know your Beliefs
Get crystal clear on your beliefs as they shape how you see the world and how you react to people. And your beliefs tend to be formed when you’re growing up, so it’s likely they’re not even yours.
3) Clear your Head
Keep your head clear, take time to check in and see how you feel so you don’t get overwhelmed and you can see the truth about someone, rather than making assumptions based on your past judgments.
4) Be brave
Be brave and open to meeting new people and having new experiences, to create the life we want we need to become someone we’ve never been and the fear is simply growing pains.
5) Learn from experience
Try to be open when you meet new people to just enjoying and savouring the experience, rather than setting expectations and judgments. Focus on the moment and what they can bring to your life.
When you let go of judgment, you start to become more and more of who you’re meant to be.