When we’re lost or confused it can lead us to being very stuck … so we beat ourselves up, start to feel more and more anxious, feel like time is flying by, procrastinate and resort to comfort eating.
And I see so many women who get so busy that they get lost in it. They fear stopping because of the balls they will drop if they do. Yet keeping going, leads to just a Groundhog Day life that don’t feel good about or connect with. And they say yes to people please filling ALL their time with what others want and need leaving nothing for them.
Does that sound familiar to you? I know I’ve been there and can still be there some days, when I just like I’m chasing my tail. And so many of my clients who join me, start with the symptoms of feeling lost and confused … they want more to life and that starts with clarity.
And for me the depression, stress and anxiety that is so prevalent not, even amongst the most high-flying women who make up some of my clients is all down to this. Lack of clarity on you and your life.
A client of mine Sarah, was paralysed when we first started working together. She was stuck in the emotion of what to do about her relationship and that affected ALL that she did and meant she never felt enough.
Sarah didn’t know what to do so she just kept going, filling her time with being useful and doing what others asked of her. Making herself so busy that she didn’t need to think she just did. She felt constantly on edge, anxious and just so unhappy that it broke my heart. But over time we bought her back to herself, then we could start to find that clarity and then listen to her heart and see the truth of what was right for her.
Now she’s much stronger, more resilient and has a clear view of the future we’re working on together for her to create. For the first time in her life, she has clarity from within and the power of that for her life and her family is staggering.
What if you could see it a different way?
Here’s what I believe, feeling lost and confused serves a higher purpose. Here’s what I believe and teach my clients to help them get comfortable with a little confusion.
When you feel confused, it’s likely that you’re becoming more and creating a bigger life .. becoming more of you. It’s almost like a new glasses lens, how you used to think and perceive the world no longer serves you .. so it’s time to view things from a new perspective.
It is a sign that you are allowing your heart, mind, body and soul to make room for something that wasn’t there before. For a new view of the world and yourself, plus all that that brings to you.
Being confused is really being open to the light that follows the darker days. You’re taking time to be let into this new horizon. You are taking the time to open yourself to a possibility of something else.
To those who are currently caught up in the web of confusion, this may not make sense just yet, but stick with me. Give it a little hello and welcome.
What if you saw being lost and confused as a warning bell, a big old nudge in the ribs from the universe to you that it’s time to change. It’s a great catalyst to great and powerful change if you pursue the simple truth and clarity.
The External Pressure
In our fast-paced society, it seems that faster, bigger, more and pushing harder is the way to go. It’s what expected and then in turn respected in society. How often do you ask a friend how they are and the answer is in line with this “hectic”, “frantic” and my own personal favourite “busy but good.” Well if you were good would you need to state it?
And exhaustion almost becomes a badge of honour for filling your time with things and stuff to prove your worth to above anyone else YOU. Is a full to bursting diary truly a sign of a loved life? Not unless it makes you happy? And to me a completely full, jam packed diary is NOT freedom. Instead it is a sure fire way for me to feel confused and resenting what I am doing.
And when I do that it doesn’t matter how fast I run BUT I’m likely to run in the wrong direction.
Instead now I chose to SLOW down and go in the right direction, that feels good and exciting for me. Instead of the rush to join society’s need for speed.
AND the beauty of slowing down is I get to enjoy the journey more, the small milestones along the way and the magic moments. If I was rushing forward then I wouldn’t get to see or applaud all of those. In my point there’s no reward in reaching a certain point only to realise it’s not where you want to be anyway.
Here is what I believe to be true about coming out of your confusion and intro your truth, then creating a happy life.
Acceptance of where you are right now is incredibly powerful. I believe that when you accept where you are, even if it’s painful and hard to do you start to change. It means you are no longer fighting against what you don’t want, losing energy, time and love fighting your current reality. You are no longer blaming yourself, judging your behaviour and beating yourself up.
Instead think of acceptance in a different way, in a grown up and responsible way. Kinda like a sat nav system I want to go from here to there, so I need to work out where I am first. … I created all that I have and experience SO I can change it. The acceptance stops the fight within, what Byron Katie calls loving what is AND the focus can then move onto what you want to do about it.
2) Hit pause and STOP
STOP. It’s so underrated in our fast-paced society that demands we keep going until we just get to the point of it all being too much and our life implodes. There’s no point in keeping going, keeping to give out energy, love and time if your heading in the wrong direction. AND when you stop you change your brain waves and move from the frantic everyday ones, where it’s hard to think and create ideas to the slower paced calm ones where we can have those BIG ideas. Hence why the big ideas happen in down time.
AND to help with this create certainty in the fog, I know that I’m feeling a bit lost so stopping will help me to see my way again. Almost like when you’re lost I the car, keeping going isn’t going to get you back on your route, stopping and checking is likely to AND be less stressful.
3) Check in and feel in
Cut yourself off from all the noise in your life and check in with YOU. We have so many ways of being connected now, we’re the most connected we’ve EVER been. Yet I believe the most disconnected from ourselves. Our phones and tablets mean that we can numb and distract ourselves in seconds and lose who we are in everyone else’s lives and drama.
And also feel in, ask yourself how do I feel? Why do I feel lost? When did I last feel clear? Our feelings are our truth and there to show us something. “Oi you, you need to look at this.” And they’ll keep nudging you until you DO listen and look at what’s going on.
4) Data and drama
Split out the data and the drama, what do I mean? Split out the data of the truth of what is happening in your life right now. AND then the drama so the stories that you’re telling yourself. I’m not calling you a liar but we all at times lie to ourselves when we let our stories run and run. AND our lives will only ever be as good as out stories.
Stories = Thoughts = Actions = Life and so the circle begins again.
So empty your head and brain dump ALL your thoughts that are keeping you lost AND then split into the data and the drama.
Oh, and a little extra
Oh and one extra for free because I LOVE you all. An extra little hack about setting yourself up to succeed. Think of the right pace for you, when you’re feeling lost and confused a slower pace to start might feel good for you, action = momentum = BIG change. The pace of change that is right for you, doesn’t need to be the same as anyone else just what feels right for you and not to fast or too slow.