Ladies welcome to the REAL 2018. Tomorrow sees the first full week of 2018, with the kids back at school and the first full week of work. The start of another year naturally brings a time of reflection and taking stock of where you are it can be a time of year that’s a real mix of feelings.
The New Year, New You Pressure
On the one side the excitement of a new year and a clean sheet, the opportunity to leave behind what’s happened and start over. New opportunities, new challenges and a natural restart.
But that then comes with the usual buzz and chatter about self-improvement and change, that comes laden with a mix of shame, expectation and expensive gym memberships. Especially for those ladies who still feel stuck, “I can’t believe I’m still in this.”
If us ladies all believed the ads, all it would take is the first month of the year the clarity of January to change your life and If you believed the ads, all it would take is the cold clarity of January to nudge you towards a newer, better, dress size smaller, organisational champion. All the year’s plans, hopes, optimism and ambition pinned on these few weeks.
But the reality is that 85% of New Year’s Resolutions are just memories lad to the side within the first 3 months of the year. And when you “fail” you feel frustrated and disappointed in yourself.
- When you don’t lose the weight.
- When you don’t grow the business as quickly as you’d like.
- When you don’t spend more family time and relax more.
- When you don’t get that new job?
- When you are STILL in that relationship that just doesn’t feel right for you.
Do you even remember what you New Year’s Resolutions were for last year? Well you’re not alone; you’re in the majority. It’s how we’ve been conditioned. ”I’ll do that next year.”
Why Resolutions are DESIGNED to FAIL.
And as for Resolutions. WOW! They’re hard, right? As soon as we set a resolution, you either succeed or fail. There’s no room for progress or moving towards hitting a goal. It’s ALL or NOTHING. And your also asked to publicly share them and commit to them, the societal pressure of the annual question “What are your New Year’s Resolutions?”
And they fail year after year after year, they’re not designed from our hearts and within our own frame they’re more of what society thinks we SHOULD be doing.
- And are they even realistic?
- Are they based on the truth of where you are right now? The REAL truth?
- Are we in dream world with our vision boards and unicorns?
- Are you living someone else’s dream?
- Or the true thing you REALLY want?
- Do they excite and inspire you? Do they fire your heart up with passion?
- Or do they pressurise make you feel stressed?
Think of all your discarded New Year’s Resolutions. Do you even still remember any of them?
Much of this is obviously rubbish. Happiness certainly isn’t found in new beauty treatment, diet plans or a new gym obsession. Besides, we’re changing and shifting all the time – constantly in flux as we learn, make mistakes, and carry on with the business of growth and setbacks and negotiating the world around us.
Yet There is Something in This January Thing
However, there is something to be said for the potential of a new year. The word January stems from the Roman god Janus. A god of beginnings and endings, he had two heads: always looking backwards and forwards. Sneaky bugger. But there is always diamonds in our past history.
A new year is an opportunity to start again with a clean slate. To start to write a new chapter in the book that is your life. You’re the author and you can create whatever you want. THAT is cool. And I’ve worked with hundreds of ladies now who have made some BIG life changes, from new careers, to new relationships, new countries and falling in love with who they are.
So today I wanted to share a different way, a way based in Noggin Knowledge and the neuroscience of change that is proven and designed to work. And that also takes inspiration from Daniellie Laporte’s Desire Map, as we lead with FEELINGS rather than goals. As each goal is simply a search for a feeling it makes sense to focus on the FEELING first and then create the goals.
Why? Because the feeling will hyper drive your goals, as every goal is truly a search for a feeling. It sets of a process in the brain called reticular activation eg hyper focuses your brain on what you want, finds new linkages, opportunities and connections you’d never thought of.
5 Steps to Your Best Ever Year
So here we go my 5 super simple steps to create goals with soul, as Danielle calls them or Passion Plan as I love to call it.
- Pause and reflect
Start with hitting the pause button and reflect back at 2017, to find the diamonds of learning and knowledge and what you learnt about yourself.
Think of it like a sat nav we’re starting from where we are right now and finding clarity before moving onto the what’s next.
My biggest lesson for 2017 was that for the first time in my life I can truly say with certainty that I AM ENOUGH, I spent the whole year living knowing that. How do I know this … because I’ve had the courage to get to know who I am and really fall in love with all that I am.
You don’t need to be slimmer, more intelligent, more successful, have money, know more, lose weight, stronger, fitter just be YOU. But first you have to know YOU. Being YOU is a gift to the world and to those who love you.
>>> You don’t need to be MORE than you are just ALL that you are.
It wasn’t a year of unicorns and rainbows, there were challenges … financial pressures at times, the focus on a new business, people close to me leaving my life and some haters and doubters. Here’s my 20 biggest lesson of 2018, in all their raw and authentic detail.
2) Know yourself
This year I set up my dream business, in my dream life and then as I was happily enjoying my life my dream man appeared. Not too shabby right.
BUT above all this year, I’ve learned a lifelong lesson that I have my own back. I’ve had many challenges in my business, some amazing months financially and some tight months watching the bank balance, some health challenges and also lost a key mentor and supporter after a difference of opinion. But through all that, I know now with certainty. Nic “you’ve got your own back, you’ll always be good.”
And alongside this, the most powerful lesson of all … that to be true to who I am and what I want, I have ALL the answers within. That when I’m in deep in the sh*t and don’t know where to turn, to pause and listen to how I feel.
And I invite you to join this amazing secret world within YOU. To know what lights, you up and makes you heart feel full. Become the world leading expert in YOU. The leading authority on this planet in you.
The beauty of this is everyone is different and that what I LOVE will be different but I wanted to share to invite you to create your own list.
The things that light me up, that I LOVE:
Going to bed with a happy heart and thinking of the magic moments for that day.
Breathing, feeling into my heart and pausing when it all gets too much.
Waking to the sound of the sea, some days with no alarm and looking out of my Mordros window.
A walk on the beach with the sun high and shining, wrapped up warm with Charlie at my feet.
Being out in nature and appreciating different views within the beauty of Cornwall.
- Relaxing with my boyfriend and cosying down to a film in front of the fire.
- My own space to create, think and be, I love my own company too.
- Being in the moment at the gym, focusing on just the movement and being in it.
- A client’s aha moment in a Breakthrough call.
- The excitement of travel, new places, sights sounds, food and above all people.
- Watching Charlie sleeping soundly and hearing him sigh.
- Tea and cake in my favourite tea pot, or a Cornish pasty some little indulgences.
- Sitting chatting with my gorgeous guy, switching from the profound and deep to profane and silly in a few sentences.
- A long shower with no rush to leave the warm water, defo a water baby.
- Learning, growing and then sharing with my tribe .. the more I can develop myself the more I can help.
- Speaking and sharing my message, either in videos, events or blogs.
- Serving and helping someone who’s feeling so stuck and relieving them of some of their pain.
- Time with my family, our monthly lunch date and weekly dinner with the parentals.
What slows me and weighs me down:
- Letting go of my routine for others, that’s been a huge learning in my relationship this year.
- Lack of clarity and not knowing where I stand, LOVE clarity and the power it has.
- When I don’t stick to a feel good for me diet.
- The detail, detail and know focused on processes to outsource the detail, detail.
- Taking on the problems of others and trying to heal the world, as an empath it can be real hard to switch off from others.
- Giving away my energy and feeling good to easily, spending too much time with drainers and not enough with lifters.
- Over committing and feeling like I have to prove myself, to clients and those I love.
What’s your list? This will help you with the next step and is the foundation for your best EVER year.
I invite you:
To become the world leading expert in YOU.
To get to truly and deeply know why you say, think, feel and do certain things.
To become the number 1 authority in YOU.
To know the light and the dark, plus all the bits in between.
To understand the amazing person you already are.
To see and appreciate the magic you have within you.
Kinda like embarking on a project for life, Project You.
3) Feeling First
What I have called Passion Planning. So here we start to create how you want to FEEL, all goals are search for a feeling so here we start inside out and start with the feeling to create the goals. You’re invited to be brave and honest here, the truth will set you free always so honour yourself by being as honest as you can.
And the more we lead with feelings, the more we start to trust our heart and will make more powerful decisions, say no more and keep clarity on what we want. Think of it like this, your yes and no’s should be a feck YES or feck NO all based on how you most want to feel.
For me, my key values are love, freedom and courage. So when I’m living from these I’m the most aligned and powerful version of me. I show up as the REAL me in all areas of my life.
Love – Love for me first, what makes my heart happy and full of love. The more I do of what I LOVE the more love I have to give out. And with my clients the more they KNOW who they are the more they can LOVE who they are, it’s difficult to love what we don’t know.
Freedom – Freedom of time, geography and financially but above all create freedom to be ME in what I say, think, feel and do. No compromises or people pleasing, me being free to be me. AND this has meant the end or putting on hold of some important relationships but I learnt so much from that.
Courage – Courage means to speak from the heart, so know I’m as honest and truthful as I can be in all areas of my life. I can still hide away and be scared of difficult conversations BUT I always know afterwards that I’ve been true to myself. And you might be following me now, from some of the courageous stories I’ve shared.
So for me 2018 is the year of FEELING and living in these values, simple as. From there I’ll shape my goals and intentions.
So for you how do you most want to feel? It can be aspirational and doesn’t need to be in the bag exercise.
4) Lead with Love
Not proving, chasing and pushing, proving and seeking approval as you might have done before. Where does this lead? To pushing and doing things we think we “should”, “could” or feel obligated to do. That leads to frustration and living someone’s else life, with your true life compromised.
And I see it in so many women, seeking love from others and people pleasing, over committing and living the busiest of ground hog days to feel worthy of love.
You are ENOUGH.
You are WORTHY.
You are AMAZING.
You are YOU-NIQUE just as you are.
^^^^ In fact you’re one in 7.6 billion, there’s only ONE of you so share that gift with the world. You are worthy of everything your heart desires, the world needs more women to chase their dreams.
5) Become a Woman of Action
Finally become a woman of action. You know now:
The nuggets and diamonds from last year.
A whole load of new intel on YOU.
How you would LOVE to feel. That leading with LOVE will bring you more LOVE.
So based on your feelings what would you LOVE to say, think, feel and do? Then pick 1 step towards these. Check in weekly with this and see where you are versus how you want to feel, then count your magic moments and readjust your course to feel more of how you want to.
And a REALLY important last tip, take this all at YOUR pace. That isn’t too fast so you feel overhwhelmed or too slow so you feel frustrated it’s progress at a feel good rate. That creates momentum and that in turn brings more progress.
2 ways I can help more.
- To do that you can use my StrongHer diary and journal, which is here.
- The Pause and Planning Process, I developed here.
And That’s a Wrap
The message here is simple and the message I want to share with the world throughout the entirety of my life.
And in doing that you’re 2018 WILL be your best ever year. I promise you that, how do I know … I live and breath this everyday.
If you’d LOVE me to be your coach then I invite to book a Free Breakthrough call here. I give 5 hours a week to help ladies get a Breakthrough to overcoming their biggest challenge. And then we can see if there’s a good fit between us.
- Register for this private training … The 7 Day StrongHer Self Love Challenge is a great start point with a short challenge for each day that you can do when it suits you. Over 250 women have now been through this 7 Day Kickstart to knowing and loving themselves, with results as varied as they were AMAZING. CLICK HERE.
- Join the StrongHer Revolution free group of amazing women who are starting to put themselves first and get to know who they are and what they want. It’s the StrongHer Facebook family where busy, successful women learn to at last know themselves and create a life they love. CLICK HERE.
- Join our StrongHer Revolution Programme. Over 125 women in the last year have now gone through my beloved group programme, with HUGE changes in their lives and how they feel about themselves. Between them they’ve found more clarity, belief and confidence to make HUGE courageous changes in their lives. To create new businesses, change careers, leave or start relationships, moved countries, taken up lifelong passions and there’s even been a wedding and a baby. Would you like to be the next StrongHer Success story? If so … just hit reply to this message and put “StrongHer Revolution” in the subject.
- Work with me and my team privately. If you’d like to have some closer support, my latest thinking and weekly nudges from yours truly to take you from where you are now to having clarity, confidence and belief. Join my limited group of incredible VIP clients to take you from being lost and confused to living a truly happy life and be confident in your own skin. Just hit reply to this message and put “StrongHer VIP” in the subject line, telling me a little about your current challenge and what you’d want to work on together.
^^^ Oh and all of these are invites which you are free to say FECK yes to or bear in mind in the future. Either is good with me 🙂