“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” ~Maya Angelou
I was NEVER ENOUGH. And it’s something I see and chat to with so many of the women who ask for my help.
A story first …
I invite you to time travel with me back to March 2014. I was clearing out some pics over the weekend and found this one. One of my semi kinda smiles lol!
Before I went to Thailand …
I was so deep in worry and threat I felt like I couldn’t breath. Each day I’d wake up feeling sick about what the day would bring. Expecting a new drama or failure which in turn created a new drama or failure.
I was so worried and anxious I couldn’t eat much and trained on zero energy in the gym, to punish myself.
I was obsessed with money and the lack of, so would feel sick time EVERYTIME I paid for something.
I had a failing business that I attached my status to. A good business day was a good day for me AND a bad day was a AWFUL day for me.
I was ready to give up and just give myself up to staying in duvet world.
Why where did the NOT ENOUGHness come from?
I had a loving childhood in idyliic Cornwall with parents who gave me ALL they could. But I saw them work and work to support us and give us everything they could. A mum who would always put others before herself and beat herself up when she was “wrong”. A dad who never reached where he wanted to in his career as he didn’t get the support he asked for when he was younger.
It seemed that this conditioned me to FEEL I WASN’T EVER ENOUGH.
- Good enough
- Successful enough,
- Happy enough
- Toned enough
- Clever enough.
^^^ Just not ENOUGH for me let alone anyone else.
Which meant any new relationships we’re ALL or NOTHING.
Ending in NOTHING time after time. I was unfairly putting EVERYTHING on someone else making me unhappy.
^^^ I can see that now/
What happened NEXT?
SO after weeks of procrastinating I bought tickets to Thailand. Even in this beautiful country I was still NOT ENOUGH.
It was ironic. Away in this amazing country with beautiful sunsets with a month on my own and still not feeling ENOUGH.
To be sat on beautiful beaches in the country I’d always dreamed of visiting I still felt:
I didn’t deserve to be there and felt guilty for spending so much money and time away.
I’d deserted my business and felt ashamed at where I was with it.
I felt let down by the men who I’d had relationships with and panicked that I wasn’t going to ever have a family. BUT in truth I’d put so much pressure on them to make me happy.
Scared to truly let go and love the experience fully.
It took weeks for me to relax into enjoying and appreciating the amazing experience I had.
To realise that I was ENOUGH. That I was WORTHY.That I DESERVED to be there, relax and spend time on ME.
Over that time away I went from lost, depressed, unhappy, alone, afraid, unworthy and quite frankly a ‘lifeless’ shell of a woman
INTO… with more work and still working on it now.
The most loving and happy version of myself that I’ve ever known…
Here’s the THING ….
It doesn’t matter WHERE YOU ARE or what YOU DO. You carry YOU with YOU. You have the SAME feelings. You have the SAME beliefs and stories.
^^^ They don’t change just with a new place no matter how beautiful.
Do you feel that you are ENOUGH?
For all women who don’t feel ENOUGH. It won’t be solved with:
- Working harder and harder to earn more to buy more
- Putting everyone else first, your children, partner and family.
- More exotic holidays and escapes
- Getting a new job that pays more and is the next step.
- Another romance where you pin it ALL on the other person making you happy.
How do I know?
Because that was ME. I’ve tried all of the above and more.
- I bought more stuff or new cars.
- Worked hard for my next rung up the corporate ladder.
- Had more lunches out and filled my wardrobe.
- Worked harder and longer at the gym and beat myself up when I didn’t eat “right”
- More dates with guys I thought would fix me.
- Escaped to more exotic holidays.
Why do women NOT think they are ENOUGH?
Every day on TV, the media tells us how we should be and how we should look. From a young girl I saw these images of how I SHOULD look, for me I grew up at the time Kate Moss was the IT girl.
We are taught to identify with our physical body, how we LOOK and our possessions, the STUFF.
We are led to believe that if we look a certain way, we will be happier, loved more, and accepted by others. Women even more so I believe … if you’re PRETTY you’ll be fine. If you’re thin you’ll find true love.
OR if we become successful and have more and more money I the bank, then we’ll be happy.
How did I learn I was ENOUGH …
In November 2015, when I was finally able to be in a bikini with my shoulders back, belly in and boobs out proudly creating my dream programme … that was to help women KNOW that they were ENOUGH.
Over those 10 days with the world famous heart and head mentor Dax Moy I learnt who I was and what I wanted. I looked at the darkness of the fears and the light of my BIG dreams.
When asked I listed out 71 fears … 71 fears I was scared of and that I assumed were true as I lived my life by then.
But it all came back to one old belief.
I WASN’T ENOUGH ….. And it WAS A LIE.
And how has my life changed now?
Over time I began to listen to our body and become more aware, judging it less and loving it more.
Stress doesn’t go away, but the way I deal with it changed. I’ve become kinder to myself, kinder to others.
When we love ourselves, become compassionate and patient with ourselves, we are able to give it away freely to others.
I have learned over the years I am not my past. I am not what happened to me, and I am not my physical body, the number on a scales or a bank account balance.
I am so much more, I have so much to give, and I am perfect just the way I am. As I go through life there will always be someone who will criticize and judge. Let them I know who I am and that won’t change.
And as for YOU.
I want you to know that you are amazing and perfect just the way you are. Criticize yourself less, love yourself more, and you will be happier.
True beauty is found within. And you’re happijness and health will come from knowing who you are and what you want.
We have been brainwashed to think that perfection is outside of ourselves. The perfect house, car, family, and life. The perfect body. The perfect career.
We have been brainwashed to strive for perfection. All this striving makes us miserable. We can have goals, work toward them, and become better at things, but when we identify them with who we are, it steals our joy.
When we find our true nature, this is where happiness lies. Joy cannot be found outside of ourselves.
If there is something you don’t like, change it, but don’t identify with it. Every day be the best you that you can be by loving yourself.
5 Super Simple Steps to Knowing YOU are ENOUGH
1) Write a Win list
Write down all the amazing things about yourself, the things that make YOU … well YOU. From when you were a youngster up until now, things you’ve achieved, created or overcome. Whatever you decide to be a win. On days you’re not feeling enough look back at it.
2) Look BACK at your progress
Look at what you’ve DONE and ACHIEVED in life. If you’re struggling look back on this week and write down your weekly wins. Think about where you are now compared to last week, or last month and even the not so good is still progress if you learn from it.
3) When will you ever be ENOUGH?
This is the question that floored me. That I couldn’t answer, as I didn’t have a point at which I’d be ENOUGH SO I was never going to be. When will you be enough?
4) Look at ALL the reasons why you’re NOT enough
And ask yourself if they’re true. Be honest with yourself if you CAN’T PROVE it it’s not true. So LET IT GO. You are enough. You are here. You are breathing, living and wanting more. So you are ENOUGH.
5) Ask your loved ones what you do for them and why you’re ENOUGH for them. It’ll give you some amazing insights.
Ready to make a change?
If you’re really struggling and need some help but don’t know where to start and feeling a little lost. You can book a FREE StrongHer Breakthrough Session, worth £197 here.
60 minutes with the creator of StrongHer You, Nicola Buckley to find out why you’re not where you want to be.
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