“Why’s it SO hard,” I used to be trapped in this thinking that life was a STRUGGLE and really HARD. So guess what my life was:
I spent 18 months with on anti depressants crippled by anxiety and depression. My biggest success in a day would be to get out of bed and get dressed. In those days I NEVER thought I could be a woman with complete freedom and run a business I LOVE.
BUT I was so ingrained in the habits, behavior and patterns of someone with depression guess what I was … a DEPRESSIVE. From a brain point of view those patterns and habits had kept me alive and the brain’s main job is survival it doesn’t really care if you are happy. If you wake up the next day the brain has done it’s job,
I’m not trying to sound flippant and that you can change your thoughts in a minute. BUT you and your life is the result of how you think and feel. So if you think life is a struggle and hard … GUESS what? It WILL be.
You are what you think. So become the writer of your own story and start to change the storyline from a nightmare to a thriller.
Okay Nic that’s all great BUT what does that mean. Don’t worry I’m not a woo coach who gives BIG sweeping statements like STOP making life so HARD but instead I want to give you steps to get there.
From what I’ve learnt and from working with more than 500 women in the last 2 years here are my simple steps to STOP making life so hard.
1. We Never STOP, we just DO.
If you are always in DO mode then you never get or make time to just stop and BE. If you’re so busy being a mum, partner, career girl and business leader you’ll never get time to breath and reflect on if your life is what you want. I get it you think the world will fall off it’s axis if you stop. Newsflash it won’t and those around you might just end up fending for themselves a little more. When you just keep going you’ll become frustrated and then start to resent those you put first. How do I know I’ve been there.
My Invitation: I invite you to stop and spend some time on YOU. Even if you make it a cuppa first thing or a longer dog walk before the kids. Give yourself time to BE rather than just DO. Check in and feel how you feel. Think with some clarity. And that is when the light bulbs flash up.
2. We Lack Clarity and a Vision
I was guilty of this for many years after my divorce my life path changed. For the time being my dream of being a wife and a mum, creating a home full of love and warmth was no longer. I was too busy living as I thought I SHOULD to take the time to get clear on what I wanted. I created a great life, a successful business based on what I felt I SHOULD be doing. Then I woke up to myself and as I got stronger and clearer I realised that I’d chosen the well trodden path of other’s success. NOT MINE. And that had made it a struggle and hard work. Leaving me stressed and anxious on a daily basis.
My Invitation to You: Spend time to create your BIG vision, your perfect day that you could live over and over again. This gives your life and YOU focus and clarity.
3. We’re Always Searching
We make life hard when we keep searching for that feeling of contentment and acceptance. You always feel like you should have, be or strive for more. I always thought it was in the external things, stuff and other people:
The BIGGER business
The next HOLIDAY
But really I was searching for was ALL within me. I just didn’t realise it. And many of my clients when they have time to think see how they’ve made life hard by SEARCHING for that thing and the relief and pleasure when some of them realise they have ALL that they want in life already is HUGE.
My Invitation to You: Before you strive onwards to the next thing in search of your “happy”. STOP and truly appreciate all that you have and are RIGHT now. You can’t find your path to where next when you don’t know where you’re starting from.
4. The Negative Story
So our brains are designed to stick to the stories we have. When you’re stuck your just caught in your old stories and your brain wants to keep you there as it’s “safe”. Safety and happy are different things, the brain is ONLY designed for safety and we need to nurture our happiness.
For example I used to have a story when I split up from a partner that I would be on my own forever, become a mad dog woman and end up penniless and alone. It now makes me smile that I used to think like that. It was ALL a story. If you’re telling yourself that life is hard guess what will happen? Your life will be HARD, you’ll find evidence to support this and then the story will become more engrained and harder to shift.
My Invitation to You:
If you keep finding the same challenges and hardship coming up in your life. Ask yourself one of the most powerful questions you can:
Is it true? And I mean can you PROVE to me what you think is true? So often we lie to ourselves and not in a manipulative way but in a letting old stories run way.
5. We’ve Got Bad Habits
Our brains are designed to be efficient and part of that is reliance on habits and routines. Again to your brain this means safety and survival. It may mean that old habits of finding things hard and difficult. I had a habit of NOT looking at my numbers, now I check my bank balance daily on an app so I have awareness. So the great news is that your bad habits are NOT your fault and also you can follow a process to change them.
My invitation to you: Start to become aware of the habits that are keeping you stuck and finding things HARD. Read my guide to understanding habits and how to create new ones.
6. The Addiction to Perfectionsim
Women especially feel that they need to be perfect. The perfect, wife, mum career woman and businesswoman. I truly believe that there is no such thing as perfect it’s just about knowing, loving and being you … that to me is perfection. And unless we define perfect we’re not giving ourselves a chance to get there. I’m not perfect BUT I know I have an amazing gift to help women know, love and be themselves. To help them I don’t need to be perfect BUT just be me. And I learn everyday about how to enhance my magic and become a more and more powerful coach.
My Invitation to You: Let go of perfect, if you can do, be or create something to help people and leave them as a better person then truest yourself and do it. Create a legacy there are people who NEED you’re help, your searching for perfection is stopping them having your help.
7. A Lack of Scale and Perspective
When you stuck in overwhelm and it all feels so hard and difficult, everyday feels like hard work. Really?? Think about it and be honest, so you’re phone has run out of charge or someone cut you up on the way to work or you forgot your child’s PE kit. Where’s your perspective and scale? You open the key to a warm house, you open the fridge door to food and you can call anyone you love in an instant. Life isn’t too shabby in reality. Life happens TO YOU, NOT FOR YOU. It’s about your attitude and keeping a sense of perspective.
My Invitation to You: Get some perspective by practicing gratitude, each day list 3 things you’re grateful for in your life. And when life chucks you a curve ball, ask yourself will it matter in a day, week, month or year. If it won’t don’t let it matter now.
8. Always Saying YES and People Pleasing
I used to people please and live my life for others, I did that for the first 38 years of my life. It meant I was reactive, living off emotion and followed the path others thought I “should”. It was only when I got to truly know me that I started to live for me and enjoy life. There’s nothing easier in life than following your heart, but we’re so scared of the reaction and judgment from others all too often we shy away and veer away from what we truly want. Therefore we’re always on the road to somewhere we’ve not chosen and that makes life hard.
My Invitation to You: Learn what YOU truly want and start to take small steps to get there. And learn to say no, if it’s not a feck yes then it’s a no thank you. A moment of awkwardness halts the resentful feeling of being put upon and trying to please everyone. But truly you please no one, especially not you.
9. We Live in REACTION
Before I knew about Noggin Knowledge and what my brain was trying to do for me I lived in a world of reaction. Reaction is where the old stories and we go into autopilot mode we have play out which will keep us stuck in hardship. What we should look for is to consciously respond not react.
Eg someone would say something at work that I should tone myself down, it would trigger an old story of not being enough and then I’d stew all day about it and let it fester. Sound familiar? If it does you’re not alone we find things hard when we’re in constant reaction mode, when we always DOING and not letting ourselves stop for air. That normally doesn’t stop until it all gets too much and we have a feck it moment when we just can’t carry on. Many women I work with are already here when they reach out to work with me.
My Invitation to You:
Take that time to slow down and stop, even it it’s 5 minutes over a cuppa or go for a walk. When something happens here’s my Feck it process to get you back to responding and not reacting.
10. We’re Always ON and Never Off
We’re always ON, our phones are constantly with us and we’re always looking to see who needs us. I’ve been a phone addict and spent so much time procrastinating looking at my phone. Searching for connection so much so I tuned out of the here and now into being at the mercy of the next message or Facebook notification.
My Invitation to You
Switch off an unplug, be with your family, be out in nature, be with you loved one. But the key word is BE just slow and breath it all in, in the moment and the here and now is all we truly have so savor every last feckin drop of it.
Oh and one more whilst we’re here as I’m now in flow on my soap box. BUT if you’re finding life hard and difficult and aren’t clear on what you want.
Start with what you DON”T want you know that stuff inside out. Your brain id wired for the negative so work with it, you’ll know what you don’t want from how you feel. In the end I saw that I didn’t want my gym business, I loved my clients and my team BUT I didn’t want the stress and worry, I wanted freedom and more focus on ME.
If you’re really struggling and need some help but don’t know where to start and feeling a little lost. You can book a FREE Breakthrough Call with Nic, worth £197 here.
30 minutes with Nic herself, to find out why things haven’t worked for you before and get clarity on what you’re goals are.
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