I’ve always wanted to be PERFECT. I was always searching for it in my life in my relationships, in my body and in my career.
So many women I speak to KNOW the feeling…
You have an aspiration, a feeling of how things in your life SHOULD be. Standards that are set day in and day out by the media, our family and the judgement of others. That ISN’T REAL.
When you’re looking at yourself OR something you’ve worked on and the self-doubt starts to creep in. From that moment of pride in something you’ve created and bought to life.
The self-doubt starts flowing in and builds up, gathering momentum.
“What is it’s not good enough?”
“What if THEY say it’s rubbish?”
“Who am I to do this?”
“I can’t do this, it’s too scary.”
“I don’t why I bother I’ll only fail anyway.”
Even on my Wedding Day
… 10th August 2002 back in the gorgeous motherland in Cornwall. I was the beautiful young bride of 24, about to marry the man who took my breath away with how he loved me and could life forever in his arms. A radiant bride in her dream white dress, about to go to the wedding I’d dreamed of since I was young.
My parents cried when they saw me that morning. They said they’d never seen me look more beautiful. I didn’t see it.
For me I looked in the mirror and saw a scared and timid girl. One who would awkwardly that day begrudgingly be the centre of attention.
I was sure of getting married BUT so unsure of myself. I saw the imperfections and the flaws not the BIG smile and huge heart. It showed in my posture, the way I looked down and not being able to hold people’s gaze.
I stand TALL, shoulders back, belly in and boobs out as I say to my ladies.
I speak LOUDLY and confidently from my heart, my laugh can fill a room.
I hold people’s gaze and enjoy that eye to eye connection with people.
I wear ALL the colours I can.
I let my wild BIG hair flow free.
I’m not searching for perfect anymore. I’ve laid my perfectionism to rest.
In fact I don’t think perfect exists, apart from in the eyes of other people. What is perfect for one person is the nightmare of another. So there’s no PERFECT as such.
And man I am so much happier AND healthier for ditching the perfectionism.
- I’m NOT the most in shape I’ve been not by a long shot but I’m the happiest I’ve been with my body and how I look.
- I don’t judge myself or link my self worth to the numbers on a scale or how my jeans fit BUT I do love being in shape and having energy.
^^^ You try to get me out of a bikini when it’s hot I DARE YOU!
- I’ve made some great and some BAD business decisions but I wake up each day and make small steps forward to my vision.
- I’m growing StrongHer in the way I’ve wanted to, creating my own dream and helping my clients in a deeper way even when it’s not perfect.
- I forgive myself more quickly when I feck up, its just learning at light speed and let go when others have hurt me.
- I don’t see my worth at the money I have in my bank account but instead get my rocks off when clients make HUGE realisations or tell me what StrongHer has done for them.
- I care for ME first, each day starts with ME, which gives me the energy to serve others.
- I take relationships as they come into my life and embrace the whole person not the idea of perfect, I don’t try to change or mould anyone.
- I show up every day and try to just serve and help as many women as I can.
- I’m closer to my family and so proud of my lovely parents, our relationship isn’t perfect
What Changed? What’s my “Secret”?
It was a realisation over time. As I got to know me more.
You don’t need to be PERFECT, just be YOU. We all get it, when we’re paralysed by not being PERFECT.
When you feel that whatever you do it won’t be ENOUGH so why do it at all. When you give up on making progress and just slip back.
I’ve been there. Not having a PERFECT body, the PERFECT house, the PERFECT partner, the PERFECT diet, the PERFECT hair, the PERFECT dog.
^^^^ Just look at my uncontrollable lion’s mane now I LOVE IT.
I was living by a definition we’ve given to the idea of being PERFECT. We’ve led PERFECTION to mean …flawless, faultless, best, exemplary, absolute.
If you actually look up the history of the word perfect it does not mean what meaning we give it now ..
The old meanings were “finished, completed, ready.”
^^^ You can be READY and not have to be perfect. StrongHer isn’t perfect but it is changing lives in a hugely powerful way.. It will grow and evolve as I breathe more life into it.
In Reality Perfection is:
A hamster wheel we throw ourselves into, day in day out.
That we set measures against that shows no fairness or kindness to truly being YOU.
“I’m not going for that job until I know more.”
“I won’t ask that guy out until I’ve lost more weight.”
“I’m just going to work and have no holidays until I get the business bigger.”
“I want to wait until I get that promotion before having a family.”
PERFECTIONISM is the fear of not being enough dressed up. It’s just not enoughness dressed up in a fancy heels. It’s what holds us back and lets us hide away.
It’s even Stronger in women
From the women I talk to it’s even more for them than men.
The fear of not being PERFECT shows in holding back their ideas, ambitions, dreams, talents, ideas, leadership.
Instead they stay waiting, staying in a holding pattern with their life and then feel frustration and regret when others take the opportunities destined for them.
Shying away from greatness and refusing to thrive, choosing a lesser life.
Yet none one is PERFECT, none of us are without our flaws, faults in fact they are what make YOU, well YOU.
Or if you want to use a cliche. We’re all PERFECTLY IMPERFECT.
They make up YOU the lovable, goofy, big hearted bundle of complications and contradictions that people fall in love with.
I’m not PERFECT.
I can take on too much and not get everything done
I can talk too much and not listen fully
I can take things so personally
I can hide away and struggle to ask for help
As much as I think I am organised, I can be disorganised.
I can start ALOT of things and not consistently get them done.
I fall in love quickly and hard.
I laugh VERY loudly
I’m filthy and a bit rude.
^^^ So I’m fallible, but lovable but all these flaws make me ME.
Instead of perfect KNOW and BE YOU
Knowing and being you means you don’t have to chase PERFECT. You don’t need to compare or judge. Instead you can smile and feel safe in yourself. It gives you:
- The peace and certainty of knowing who you are, it centres you
- The compassion and COURAGE to love ALL that you are and your body
- And then create the FREEDOM to be who you are.
So instead of chasing PERFECT, that soul destroying myth that doesn’t exist. How about you chase YOU?
My Invitation to You:
DITCH THE MYTH OF PERFECT
——-à>>>>>>BECOME AN EXPERT YOU.
What are your VALUES … Let these lead your life, be your true compass.
What are your BELIEFS … Do these serve you? Do they need upgrading?
What and who you LOVE … do more of it, let that LEAD your diary.
What you don’t LOVE … Do less or STOP it.
And a few other things that work a treat for me:
- Look in the mirror every morning and pick something nice to say to yourself.
- You may think that this is ridiculous and obvious, but we spend more time looking in the mirror criticising than honouring ourselves. Make this a daily habit.
- Write an awesome list —write down all the things that make you wonderful and read them. Even tougher, read them out loud.
- Another tip toward self-love is meditation. This is scientifically proven to change the chemistry in the brain, reduce depression, and change negative thought pattern among other things.
- Spend time with people who lift you up, that are maybe a little further on than you or love you just for YOU.
It never ends but it’s the most powerful and fun thing you can do. It helps you see all you are and why you are where you are. And just enjoy life.
And let me tell you NO ONE CAN DO YOU LIKE YOU. So embrace it.
Ready to Get Started?
If you’re really struggling and need some help but don’t know where to start and feeling a little lost. You can book a FREE StrongHer Transformation Session, worth £147 here.
60 minutes with one of our amazing, expert coaches to work out a step by step plan to getting you back into your skinny jeans and enjoying shopping again.
We only run a limited number, just 5 at a time as we want to help YOU as much as possible.
Like what you’ve read and want to follow us:
Twitter: StrongHer Formula
Facebook: Nicola Buckley, StrongHer Health and Confidence Coaching and FREE coaching group here.